July-A month of memories and hope

Five years ago this month Amy was diagnosed with Leukemia. I've been thinking about this since the first of the month and as the 4th is now here, I can't help but remember the 4th of July 5 years ago. Mom and Emma were at the hospital with Amy and Dad was trying to cheer us up by buying fireworks. He bought each of us our own pack of fire crackers, which was a big treat for our family. I still have those fire crackers...
Today I am sitting in my room alone. Emma has to work at camp all day so I have been watching movies and working on my quilt. I'm borrowing this book from Emma Blessed Be Your Name by Matt and Beth Redman and as I began reading it I couldn't help but think of Amy and how we sang that song at her memorial service. Mr. Redman was going to come sing to the service for Amy but his agent didn't think it would be a good idea. One of Amy's friends sung it for her instead.
And as I was thinking about that I started thinking of her blog and how I wanted to read it again. Every once in a while I go back and read her posts and wish she was still here with us. I started at the beginning, July 3rd 2006, and was remembering so much about those few days.
I just read this book called Same Kind of Different As Me by Ron Hall and Denver Moore. In this book Ron's wife dies of cancer and the entire time I was reading it, I was aching for the day I graduate from college with a nursing degree. I was sitting there at the front desk in the clinic; crying and wishing I was back in my room so I could sit and read my Bible. I want to be a nurse and take care of my patients. I want to kneel next to their hospital bed and offer to pray with them just like the nurses did when they took care of my sister. I want to be there to hug them and tell them that God is Sovereign and that He is with us through all of our trials. It's easy to say if you're the one without cancer. But as I read Amy's blog I'm constantly reminded of how God used her to bless so many people and to bring so much glory to His name. I want to be able to take care of someone God is using for such glory. I want to have that privilege and I pray that someday I will.
I've been at College of the Ozarks for over a year now. As I remember all of the things that have happened, I am fully aware of God's hand in all of it. Yes, there have been times when I've wanted to throw my books across the room, march out the Gates of Opportunity, and never come back. But God got me through that time and I know He will continue to do so.
My church is studying James. My Pastor thought it would be a good time to read it with all that's happening in my church family's lives. My pastor's wife has cancer and is currently in the hospital because of an infection that gave her a fever. Pray for her. Stop reading this and take one moment to praise God for working through her to bless others. It didn't occur to me until yesterday that I wish I could be the nurse taking care of her. What a blessing it would be to learn from such a woman...
I am aching for 3 years from now. I will be graduated God willing and have a job at Siteman Cancer Center at Barnes Jewish Hospital in St. Louis Missouri. I will be walking down the hall to the elevator and pass the wall of tiles, where my sister's name is placed. A wall of tiles with so much history and prayers. I don't have a picture of my sisters tiles, but here is a picture of the wall.

I know God has me exactly where He wants me. His hand is in everything that I do and see. I am thankful for that. I don't know if it is God's will for me to work at Siteman someday and if it's not, that's Ok. I know He has plans for me elsewhere.