Trust

"God and I, we've long had trust issues." ~Ann Voskamp One Thousand Gifts

I think we can all safely say that this is true for us as well. Why, when we know God is going to follow through, do we doubt? Why do we think we have to take control of the situation and figure it out ourselves?
One of the more challenging things of this summer has been my new co-worker. He's a sweet guy, but he is learning how to push my buttons. Every day I pray that I will be patient with him but I continually fail in one way or another. One thing that he's doing is always asking me what to do and if he can help. Now, that sounds amazing right? Wrong. I guess I've just gotten used to doing things by myself that it's hard for me to remember that I do need help sometimes. It's a pride issue. Like him opening the car door for me... it really erks me. A lot. I think I have this trust issue with people because I think they'll only be nice to me because they want something. It's happened to me before, it can happen again and I'm just putting on my guard. But what it's coming across as is pride. I'm sure some of it is.
Another thing, he has this whole thing with tapping me on the shoulder. I really don't like it when guys touch me. Even if it is just a tap. A few weeks ago we were playing sardines in my old dorm. They shut it down for the summer so the hall directors thought it would be fun to have a campus wide event of sardines. Everyone was invited. Well, Eli, Katie, Nathan and I made our way over and it's pitch black. Although this seems childish, I have this huge fear of the dark. I don't know why, but I refuse to go into dark places. I grabbed Eli's hand and we started searching for the person. More than once I yelped. But then this guy grabbed my arm and I screamed, pretty loud. It ended up just being one of Emma's friends that thought I was Emma. But what was he doing grabbing a girls arm anyway? In my flood of emotions I yelled, "I'm going to kill you!". Why did I say that? I have no idea. I just did. And I feel horrible for it. I'm sure he took it as a joke, which I meant it as. I would never kill anyone.
But, this whole guy touching thing really bothers me and I try to not let it. It's a trust issue. But it all has something to do with the quote I put above. Sometimes I get scared when God touches me. What I mean is, when I feel God working, it scares me because I don't know what the outcome is going to be. When it's a big thing, like Amy dying, I can give it all to Him. It's the little things that get me. Little things like waiting for a grade after a physiology test, or having a friend leave for the summer, or friends breaking up, or even getting a new roommate. I am so very sure that none of those things should happen the way they do. But in all of those things God has been faithful. And I know He will continue to do so. And through each of those I have learned to trust Him more. I was trying to think of a hymn about trusting but none came to mind. "Nearer My God To Thee" was the only one I could think of. I was reading some more of One Thousand Gifts and realized how I couldn't think of any verses in the Bible that had to do with trust. As I thought about it my eyes were opened to the fact that maybe I read to fast, or skim some of the words. Verses like "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow" Romans 15:13 NIV "Trust" seems to stick out a little more than it used too. God is good.