"Relax, it's just a pinch."

The Red Cross is here today to take blood donations! I went this morning as soon as it was open so I could let my co-worker go later and so I could get a size small t-shirt (They run out quickly around here). I love their new logo, "Relax, it's just a pinch." It has a picture of a cute little stick man sitting on a chair with his arm up. Pretty cute.

I always get nervous about giving blood. This time was not any better. I get approved, iron high and temperature low, and make my way over to the chair. Being a righty, I always choose lefty chairs because I don't like to move my arm for a few hours afterward. The lady asked me my name and I told her. She then reported to me that there is another Christianne Martin in the world, who is, in fact, her best friend. :-) I wonder if her name might be Kayla? For today's purposes, let's just say it is. So Kayla is getting me all ready... She puts the blood pressure cuff on and tells me so squeeze the stress ball. I do so. Then iodine is rubbed on the area, and I watch as she brings the needle to my arm. For some reason it seems bigger each time. Unfortunately, I did not get the same big veins that my brothers have. I would probably look weird if I did, but on this particular day, I was very much wishing for big veins. I try not to cringe when the needle goes in, but after she moves it around and has to call someone over, I do indeed cringe. I didn't see Kayla again. :-( Finally this kind man got my blood flowing and then I started getting dizzy. Yes, dizzy. My worst fear at blood drives is too pass out. Especially when all of my peers are surrounding me. Then I do pass out, making it a total of 6 times of passing out. Two times at blood drives, once after falling out of the van because my high heel got stuck (talk about embarrassing). Once, while sitting at a table doing math, yes math...it has that affect on me. Once, while watching a nurse change a knee bandage. I passed out during my job shadowing at Skaggs Hospital. That was even more embarrassing than the high heel.
After I realized what had happened and they put my feet in the air, this funny guy came over and told me that I should always make sure to eat. I smiled back at him.
I didn't go to lunch at the cafeteria because it just seemed to far to walk today. My sweet co-worker offered to drive me but I said no.
I love giving blood, knowing how badly someone needs it makes it all worth it. I don't, however, like the after effects of it. I did get a t-shirt! Although Red Cross never has smalls, I walked away with a medium. Maybe a gift for my daddy. :-)
God bless those who don't pass out.
"Relax, it's just a pinch"

Trust

"God and I, we've long had trust issues." ~Ann Voskamp One Thousand Gifts

I think we can all safely say that this is true for us as well. Why, when we know God is going to follow through, do we doubt? Why do we think we have to take control of the situation and figure it out ourselves?
One of the more challenging things of this summer has been my new co-worker. He's a sweet guy, but he is learning how to push my buttons. Every day I pray that I will be patient with him but I continually fail in one way or another. One thing that he's doing is always asking me what to do and if he can help. Now, that sounds amazing right? Wrong. I guess I've just gotten used to doing things by myself that it's hard for me to remember that I do need help sometimes. It's a pride issue. Like him opening the car door for me... it really erks me. A lot. I think I have this trust issue with people because I think they'll only be nice to me because they want something. It's happened to me before, it can happen again and I'm just putting on my guard. But what it's coming across as is pride. I'm sure some of it is.
Another thing, he has this whole thing with tapping me on the shoulder. I really don't like it when guys touch me. Even if it is just a tap. A few weeks ago we were playing sardines in my old dorm. They shut it down for the summer so the hall directors thought it would be fun to have a campus wide event of sardines. Everyone was invited. Well, Eli, Katie, Nathan and I made our way over and it's pitch black. Although this seems childish, I have this huge fear of the dark. I don't know why, but I refuse to go into dark places. I grabbed Eli's hand and we started searching for the person. More than once I yelped. But then this guy grabbed my arm and I screamed, pretty loud. It ended up just being one of Emma's friends that thought I was Emma. But what was he doing grabbing a girls arm anyway? In my flood of emotions I yelled, "I'm going to kill you!". Why did I say that? I have no idea. I just did. And I feel horrible for it. I'm sure he took it as a joke, which I meant it as. I would never kill anyone.
But, this whole guy touching thing really bothers me and I try to not let it. It's a trust issue. But it all has something to do with the quote I put above. Sometimes I get scared when God touches me. What I mean is, when I feel God working, it scares me because I don't know what the outcome is going to be. When it's a big thing, like Amy dying, I can give it all to Him. It's the little things that get me. Little things like waiting for a grade after a physiology test, or having a friend leave for the summer, or friends breaking up, or even getting a new roommate. I am so very sure that none of those things should happen the way they do. But in all of those things God has been faithful. And I know He will continue to do so. And through each of those I have learned to trust Him more. I was trying to think of a hymn about trusting but none came to mind. "Nearer My God To Thee" was the only one I could think of. I was reading some more of One Thousand Gifts and realized how I couldn't think of any verses in the Bible that had to do with trust. As I thought about it my eyes were opened to the fact that maybe I read to fast, or skim some of the words. Verses like "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow" Romans 15:13 NIV "Trust" seems to stick out a little more than it used too. God is good.

5:15... beep....beep....beep....

That's the time I woke up this morning. I checked my phone to see if I had a few extra minutes to sleep. My alarm was set for 5:20am so that I would get up and go run a mile. Yes, a mile...just a mile. But that's enough for my body that early in the morning. I slipped my sneakers on and audaciously made my way into the dark. Although Lecrae is a rap artist, it's peaceful for me to listen too. "Ooh Ahh" came on and I began running... oh my feet felt heavy this morning.

I don't remember what I was thinking about while I ran. Something... obviously it wasn't that important because I don't remember it. But, it felt good nonetheless and I was very happy to have gotten a mile in by the time 5:45 hit.

I always have great hopes for the day. I set some goals: write Justine, reply to emails, journal, read, call mom, etc. They're not difficult at all, just normal, everyday things a person might do. But for some reason I have not been very good about actually "doing" those things.

My boss brought me a coffee this morning-thank you nurse Lori-so I'm going to go get my pens and paper so I can write some letters. I like to say I'm not addicted to cofee, I just like it a lot. But having coffee always helps me relax and get things done. It's amazing stuff.

One Thousand Gifts

I'm reading the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. It's an encouraging reminder of how great our God is and how much we have to be thankful for.

"Everytime you feel in God's creatures something pleasing and attractive, do not let your attention be arrested by them alone, but, passing them by, transfer your thought to God and say: 'Oh my God, if They creations are so full of beauty, delight and joy, how infinitely more full of beauty, delight and joy are Though Thyself, Creator of all!'" ~Nicodemus of the Holy Mountain

His Mercies are new each morning...

Last night my friends and I went to help with an organization called Jesus Was Homeless. It's a really cool program. It was started about 3 years ago by this couple at a church who wanted to serve the Branson community. When we got there it was a bunch of ordered chaos. There were about 10 people throwing sandwiches into bags and I was a little skeptical of how the night was going to go. We then preceded to load the tubs of sack lunches in the 15 passenger vans we were going to drive around.
We made our first stop, a mobile home park. These cute little kids were so excited to see us. Our van driver, John Paul, got out and greeted the kids and their parents. I got to see the joy and thanks light up in those peoples eyes. It was a precious sight. Even though most of the little kids weren't wearing any pants or shoes... and they live in mobile homes that looked like they could fall apart at any moment...it was precious.
Our next stop was to a small motel. We went and knocked on the doors, simply saying, "Jesus was homeless," and after a few fail attempts someone opened the door and their face lighted up. See, this organization takes place every Thursday night. Why Thursday? Because people don't get paid until Friday and this meal is pretty much a life savor for them.
The next stop was an extended stay RV park. There was one RV that had 3 or 4 little children and a mom. The little kids were peaking out the windows at us and smiling, all excited for their dinner. It was so sweet.
Our last stop was too a bigger motel. For a while no one answered their doors, either afraid or just not wanting our service. It was sad... But then we went to another section of the motel and all of these foreign kids, probably my age or younger, opened their doors and were amazed at how they were being given a free meal. Two girls opened the last door of the night. Our tub had just run out of sandwiches. Our leader went back to the van to get more, but we were out. We gave the two girls each an extra drink and we walked away... I had never felt that kind of sadness before. As we walked away a young boy walked to their room with a bowl of uncooked hotdogs. I hate hotdogs... But that was what they had to eat and I have never been so thankful for the cafeteria food as I was last night.
God's mercies are new each morning. I saw the perfect example of this with the people we served last night. A lot of them don't have jobs but still yelled after us "God bless you!!". Those words have never been so sweet. God bless you friends...

Some of my favorite sayings, quotes, verses, etc.

I just read this first one. But it hit me hard. I am constantly struggling with being comfortable and have to remind myself that God will call me out of my comfort zone. Taking the public speaking class was a huge challenge for me. I had dreaded that class ever since my sister went to college 2 years ago. But I got through it and ended up with an A. I owe it all to Him... I spent countless hours writing and rewriting speeches and many of them required much prayer for courage and patience. God is faithful all the time, even through a public speaking class.

"Life is comfortable when you separate yourself from people who are different from you. That epitomizes what my life was like: characterized by comfort. But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through." ~Francis Chan Crazy Love

This next one is a quote I read in my Spurgeon devotional. It was just want I needed at the time and still is.

"Oh, see that your speech is seasoned with grace, administering instruction and edification to the hearer. Let no corrupt thing, no false doctrine, no untruthful statement, no harsh, unkind, unsympathizing, heart-wounding word flow from your lips. Speak for God, for Christ, for souls." ~Octavius Winslow

These next two are both very meaningful to me. They hold a hope that I didn't understand until my sister got cancer.

"All the peoples of the earth are regarded as nothing. He does as he pleases with the powers of heaven and the peoples of the earth. No one can hold back his hand or say to him: "What have you done?" ~Daniel 4:35

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” ~John 16:33

Everytime I listen to "Background" by Lecrae, I am reminded of His mercy and grace.

"It's evident You run the show, so let me back down.
You take the leading role, and I'll play the background.
I know I miss my cues, know I forget my lines
I'm sticking to Your script, and I'm reading all Your signs.
I don't need my name in lights.
I don't need a starring role.
And why gain the whole wide world, if I'm just gon' loose my soul.
And my ways ain't purified, I'll live according to Your Word.
I can't endure this life without Your wisdom being heard.
So word to every dancer for a pop star,
Cause we all play the background, but mine's a Rock Star.
Yeah. So if you need me I'll be stage right.
Prayin' the whole world will start embracing stage fright.
So let me fall back and stop giving my suggestions
Cause when I follow my obsessions I end up confessing.
That I'm not that impressive, matter of fact I'm who I are.
A trail of star dust leading to the Superstar." ~Lecrae
Rehab

Crazy Love

I'm reading a book by Fancis Chan called Crazy Love and there's a story in there about this actor. He was a small actor, in fact he only had 2/5ths of a seconds scene. Mr. Chan was comparing this 2/5ths of a second actor to our lives in God's world. He was referring to the verse, "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes" James 4:13-14. Then he goes on to talk about how if our lives are only 2/5ths of a second in God's world, then wouldn't we want that percentage of a second to be filled with glorifying God? If we had one thing to show, wouldn't we want it to be completely revolved around God? This small actor playing in this large film is an extra... one in a thousand in a crowd of people. You see his hand, or the back of his head. He's playing in God's movie, yet he invites all of his friends to come watch him in "his" movie. Is this movie really about him? No, it's about God. He has 2/5ths of a second and he wants to make it about him, but really it's all about God.

I think Mr. Chan made an excellent point with this analogy. If you want to find out more about it, you should definitely get the book, Crazy Love. I've only read the first two chapters of it and as soon as I'm finished with this post, I'm going to read more. I just wanted to share this with you. We're only 2/5ths of a second in God's movie... why are we so concerned with how we look, what we wear, what we have... what should matter is whether we used those 2/5ths of a second to glorify God.

Tennis, Gilmore Girls, friends, late night drives, Sonic

I can't even remember how many times we went to Sonic this weekend... I think it was something like 5 or 6 times. Our first trip was Friday evening after we couldn't decide what to do. Apparently the cool place for CofO college students to hang out at is the Sonic patio. Anyway, we went there and I got my free birthday cream slush, Emma and Katie got drinks and mozarella sticks, and Nathan got something of which I can't remember. :-) Daniel had to work, so we didn't do much. He's the cool one in our group. Saturday night was even better. We all went to dinner together and Daniel got a piece of cake. It looked delicious so Emma and I got some as well. Daniel took a couple of bites and said that his cake is never as good as it looks. Emma agreed wholeheartedly. Then Daniel said, "I'm sure it would taste good, if I actually liked cake." I almost died of laughter. I hope the tables around us didn't think I was crazy. After dinner, we discoved our great love of tennis and our epic skills at serving tennis balls. After an explosion of laughter we made our way to Sonic, the third trip, and then preceded on a late night drive down a rode Emma insisted was fun to drive. There was one point on the trip when Daniel gasped and we made a quick, extremely sharp, left hand turn. Apparently Modot needs to work on their signs. Dan's gasp was followed by yelps from the rest of us. Then, Emma insisted on having her window open as she downed an oreo blast and shivered the entire time. She has this obsession with putting her head out the car window when we're out driving in nice weather.

That was enough adventure for one day. Emma and I went back to her room and watched Gilmore Girls. Emma is starting to talk like Lorali.

Sunday was a great day. We went to church, which was awesome. I love FBC Branson. Then we went to chapel. I'm trying to change my attitude about chapel. I have this idea in my head that I HAVE to go to chapel and therefore I don't really get anything out of it. The entire time I sit in chapel I think about how I'm glad that chapel is only 50 minutes long and that I only have to go 7 times a semester. That is horrible of me. I am constantly reminded of what a sinner I am. In otherwords, I fail. Thankfully my God is gracious and His mercies are new each morning. :-)

Sunday afternoon we played some more tennis and the boys made a Sonic run for us. Emma and I got major sunburns on our shoulders from our tenniss match. We were excited to be tennis players so we wore tank tops. We said we looked very "tennis-ish". It was fun though. We then watched a movie, "The Tourist", and everyone fell asleep and missed the entire middle. As soon as it was over Emma said, "Can we watch it again right now?". Thankfully it was suppertime. After dinner came another round of tennis and another Sonic run. Today my arm hurts from the many retries I took trying to serve the tennis ball and I feel fat from the Sonic food I consumed. It was a great weekend. Very humbling in many ways, yet very encouraging. I love my friends.

Summer Nights

My room is muggy... I think most of the cold air my air conditioner blows somehow escapes and goes outside because I don't feel anything cold in this little room.

I'm listening to Lecrae. I found a new song of theirs that I love. It's called "Far Away". He wrote it for Haiti.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rerU_NYwD8

"Far Away" ~ Lecrae

Far Far Away (You feel) Far Away. (You Seem) Far Away.. So So (x2)
Hopeless!
I can spell it
I can smell it in the air
Lotta people wonder if you still care
And are you still there
Cuz I dun lost it all
I keep calling your name
But do you hear my call
And are you still involved
Or am I left alone
I wander the streets
Cuz I no longer have a home
My brothers all GONE
My sisters all GONE
My families and my friends aint gonna be here in the Mornin
Ya see me hear mourning
They say you feel my pain
They say you went through it
Say to die is to gain
But I aint gain nothing
I lost everybody
Now Im losing my mind
And my faith is all Im counting
Im still holding on
Thats why Im still pray
Feelin empty inside
I cant make it through today
I dont know what else to do
I dont know what else to say
Im talking to ya now
But I promise you feel so far


Far Far Away (You feel) Far Away. (You Seem) Far Away.. So So (X4)

Dear hope: Been waitin on ya for a while now
Been cut so deep that I aint sure if I can smile now
Look at this devastation
Look at the pain and sorrow
Somebody fed me lies and promised me a bright tomorrow
I know the God I follow
Is bigger than disaster
Big enough to handle
Any evil that harasses us
But I feel like he passed us
Pain overtook us
Buildings tumble over head
As the ground shook us
God have you forsook us
Lord you still with me
I know you save souls
I trust you to forgive me
Relief can you hear me
Hey Rest can you get me
Hey Peace can you see me
Hey love can you heal me
I dont know what to do
I aint looking for answers
I just need you to hold my hand
Through this cancer
Tell me you never left
Even in the midst of death
Breathe on me I'll do anything to feel your Breath

Far Far Away (You feel) Far Away. (You Seem) Far Away.. So So (X4)
(PSALMS 62:5-8)
5. For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from him.
6. He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
7. On God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God.
8. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us.

(Far far away.) Hes not (Far Away) No hes not (Far Away) Our Gods not Even though he seems

I think of Joplin when I read the lyrics. And my oldest brother...

Tonight my friends and I are going to Vintage Paris to hear Nathan's friend play Jazz. I think it will be fun. I'm really looking forward to having some good coffee. I really miss my Daddy and his coffee. And my sister and her coffee. There isn't anything like it. :-)

I can hardly wait for the weekend. We're going to First Baptist Branson for church on Sunday. I've really missed going there. It kinda feels like home when I'm there. My sister and I usually go together and we're taking Nathan with us this time. Unfortunately Dan has to work at the dairy this weekend, but I know he would love it. Daniel is a new person. :-) I love saying that. I could say it all day long. It always brings tears to my eyes as I know what a 'new person' is. It's so evident and everytime I'm around Daniel I see the joy of the Lord shining through him. Especially his eyes. I remember praying for Dan and asking God for the day that I would be able to see his eyes fill with the precious Light. I want to tell everyone. MY BIG BROTHER IS A NEW PERSON!!!!!!!!!!

Another quilt? I think yes!

So last week I was bored and started looking through images on Google of quilts. And I found this one!



And I decided that I'm going to make. What do you think?

June 1st-"Little Did He Know"

I really want to watch that movie, which I just forgot the name of...oh yes "Stranger Than Fiction". Amy loved that movie.
I'm sitting at work contemplating whether to do some more Medical Terminology, read my motorcycle book, or write a letter. All of those options sound like work to me, but it's better than nothing.
Earlier my boss said that we could watch reruns of "House" later this afternoon if we don't have anything to do. :-) I love working at the clinic. And not just for that reason. I love being able to help people and do things for them.

Today is Amy's birthday. My sister and I bought a 6 pack of Mountain Dews and two bags of skittles to celebrate. :-) I think Amy would be happy with our choices. She'd be 30 today. I wonder if she'd be upset to be turning 30. Of course with her cancer, she would be writing another Bebo post about making it to another birthday. :-) She was great about doing that. Emma and I are going to go do something special tonight. Hopefully we can get Daniel to come along and our friend Nathan. This is definitely something to celebrate. Amy has been with Jesus for 3 years, 8 months, 3 weeks, and 1 day. That's pretty awesome. I bet these last few years have seemed like seconds to her.

I woke up at 5:30am this morning to my annoying alarm clock that sounds like a kitchen timer. I slipped on my sneakers, turned my mp3 player on and started running down the camp road, hoping Foster wasn't locked when I got back. It wasn't long before I was huffing (That's what I get for taking a 6 month break) and had to start walking. It was beautiful out this morning. Fog was rising from the river as the sun was coming up. It was the perfect time to run. I was thinking about Amy as I ran and thanking God for the 30 years we've had her in our hearts, even if she wasn't here for almost 4 of them. I sometimes wonder what it would be like if Amy were here. Would be all be the same people we are today? Would we be worse, or better? But that doesn't matter because God had it all planned out this way. The perfect plan...

Happy Birthday, Ame. I love you!