"It's name is Christi..."

Last year for my birthday my nephew Gary sent me a build-a-bear bunny and he named it Christi. I sleep with it every night... That may be a little weird for an 18, almost 19, year old. But that little bunny means so much to me.

I have to write a journal for my philosophy class about Hamlet and his search for identity. I was thinking about it on the way to church this morning and realized I was once in Hamlet's shoes. Not anything drastic like Hamlet, but in my every day, simple life. It happened with Gary. See, Hamlet's problem was that he held his identity in his father, the king, and in the kingdom. When his father died, Hamlet thought all he knew was gone. He had nothing left to live for, or so he thought. When my nephew Gary left me that was my problem. Now, I didn't do anything as drastic as Hamlet, like kill someone or consider suicide, but I definitely yelled at God. My reasoning was, why would God put something in my life just to pull it away from me when I needed it most. What I didn't realize was that God was using that incident in my life to show me where my true hope lies. In Him, and in Him alone. As much as I want to rely on those around me for peace, no one can give it to me except for my Almighty Father.

There are some things happening in my life right now... Some really great things, and some really sad things. Those great things are: my advisor offered me a job as her personal babysitter/house cleaner. I had an interview with two of the nursing faculty and loved every minute of it. I got a 96% on my last physiology test. I might get to see Gary in three months. All of this has happened in the last week and I am overwhelmed with how much God loves me. The bad things are... not quite so bad as I imagine them to be. Or maybe they are and I just don't see the effects of them as some people do. The last couple of struggles my family has gone through have been tough, but ever since Gary left, nothing has seemed to be quite as awful. And I don't mean that in a selfish way... The only reason that they're not so awful is because I know where my identity or hope lies - in Christ. But I see hateful things all around me and I don't understand why they're like that. Why do people fight, and yell? Why do people lie and cheat? I don't understand... Maybe that's just my innocence speaking, but honestly, I have no idea why are people so mean to each other. In the Bible it says that we're as filthy rags until Christ covers us. But why do I see people who love the Lord tell secrets that hurt, or pretend that they know the answers to everything and hurt other people with their pride? Or not talk to other Christians? That's the thing that gets me most. If we truly love God and wish to follow his commandments, then shouldn't we treat those around us like we do? In the last chapter of Matthew God tells us to treat his people as we would treat him. Do any of us do this? We fail miserably...
There are people who don't understand why I don't get mad at things like they do. I don't really know what to tell them, except for the fact that I know that God loves me and asks me to be patient and kind. I seem to be numb to getting angry about things I have no control over. For others around me this is no problem. They yell, scream, curse... I think it's pointless to get angry about things I can't control... I get mad about getting bad test grades because I know that I could have studied harder. But when it comes to things bigger than that... God is in control. That is enough.