March and Tulips

Last week I went to Skaggs hospital in Branson to job shadow for a part of my application process to Armstrong/McDonald School of Nursing here at CofO. It was a painful experience, as I hadn't really been in a hospital setting since the Sunday before Amy died. From what I remember of that day, it was raining and cold. My family and I had taken over the waiting room. None of us were sure what to say to each other.
There's a particular sense you get when you are at a hospital. It's so unique and I'm not sure why. But as I walked onto the Surgical Unit on 4th floor, I was reminded of why I want to be a nurse. I want to be a nurse so that I can brighten some sick patient's day. This man started talking to me while I was waiting with him out in the hall. He started talking about how the nurses were just horrible and how they would treat him and his wife like they didn't know anything. It broke my heart. Nursing is a ministry... not a job. I spent the entire morning remembering Amy and thinking about why I want to be a nurse. Some of her nurses made her day a thousand times better, and some of her nurses made her day a thousand times worse.
My mom goes to a memorial service at Elis Fischel Cancer Center in Columbia each year. I went with them one time and one of Amy's nurses was there. She gave Mom the biggest hug. It was precious to see. I want to be that to the family of a cancer patient someday. I want to have that connection to them.

I came home later that afternoon, disgusted at what I saw from the nurses, to these sitting on my desk.



Emma got me tulips...



When March 10th hits, Amy will have been gone for 3 1/2 years. It's hard to believe its been that long since I've seen my big sister. I wish I could give her a hug and tell her how much I love her... and how much I miss her. She is the reason I want to be a nurse.